A step and a lens

Slowly, within two years, I came to realize that Im in the need to change my place of living. It took me no more than two weeks to finalize my movement from Salzburg to Vienna half a year earlier than originally planned. I was hit hard by certain happenings in the early beginning of this year and some of them acted as a catalyst and still do. Now Im spending the last eleven days in Salzburg with working, thinking and wasting time with other things. They’d be no waste of time though if I could keep myself motivated. But the upcoming step, that is a big one based on the amount of time I used for serious alterations of my life before, keeps me entangled.

I’ve gone through different states of mind since I found myself a place in Austria’s capital city. Expectations, the great possibilities of a big city and friends raised expectations and made me happy. Yet other things, among them several unknowns on the personal and financial side, built up fear. But this one epic battle, which turned out to end in a heart-driven decision, is over. Theres just some banter going on until the day of movement.

Yet it suffices to get me out of focus. Im participating in an election campaign these days, and voting day is close. Most bureau work, mostly the creation of regional papers, is finished and I’ll be soon hitting the streets and get talking to potential voters. Thinking about what is coming up to me, I lack concentration and motivation. Even reading a good book (which is Orhan Pamuk’s “Snow” at the moment) and spending time with friends can change this just temporarily, by far not long enough to have any mentionable impact. Basically, even writing these lines is some kind of therapy for myself. (Honestly, the whole Bekasov project is my replacement for a diary ).

While I am counting down to that step of physically moving to Vienna, I need to take counter-measures against my current state. My thoughts already remain some hundred kilometers to the east, which is partly ok. However, some hours a day I need to be able to stay on track because I want to do the best possible. But its more than that. Eventhough they were not strong enough to bind me here, I have grown some roots here and big parts of them will be capped soon within the change. The way forward is free to go, the way back would be narrow and hard in many aspects.

The way forward is free to go. Seems like this situation has not manifested itself inside my head – yet. Maybe this is the lens I need to see clear again. I wonder if I can find it in time.