Stability

It’s been some time since I moved to Vienna. And it’s been less time since I moved again. And it’s not going to be much time until I move again. I’ve lost stability and won experience.

For 24 years I have always lived with and near my family and my best friends, always keeping close distance to a safe haven. Now it takes me about 4 hours to reach them, which might not seem a lot of time to many people, but it does to me. Ever since I’ve been studying in Salzburg, I came home at least once a month. Living in Austria’s capital, I’ll be home more seldom. Furthermore, I can not really tell where my home is now.

I do belong to where I grew up and spent the most years of my life so far, but this is not the place anymore where I’m going to live continously for a longer time. Then again, I have not found something like a home in Vienna yet. I will soon move into my third shelter in 5 months and I deeply long to stay there for a longer time. To regain stability.

Being on the move now for about half a year made me think about various other changes I need to make in and to my life. For quite a time I had the impression, that many things concerning me were falling apart. But finally I’ve come to the conclusion that they are just signs of the change I started in February. And they are signs of the change that is still progressing for longer. Of course there is some shift always and everywhere, but this is a big turn of the whole story. The more I come to a decision, the more I’m confident that it’s going to be a positive one. Surprises are possible though, but I’ve learnt to cope with that. The sweet as well as the vicious twists of existing have made me what I am. I do believe that I am the master of my fate, eventhough I can not influence every happening that affects me.

Realizing that I’ve been living in a retrospective since 2008 passed by, only managing to look forward in very singular occasions, I am slowly making the whole turn to set my sight on the future again. Stability always means keeping the hands on the steering wheel while moving forward. The captain is back soon.